A Wrench to the Heart 4/?
Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing
Warning: Mention of suicide attempt
Duo knew he was dreaming. In the dream he stood on a great open blue plain. The horizon existed only because his mind said there must be one. The smooth surface was chill to his bare feet. His blue jeans hung around slender hips. His braid swung over bare shoulder blades. He knew what these dreams meant.
Sometimes though, sometimes he could find Heero in these dreams. He turned slowly around. It wasn’t real. He knew it wasn’t real. It was just a dream.
In it though, he could let go of all the fears, let go of all the energy it to be normal and not scare the people around him. In here, he had no responsibility for anyone other than himself. He wasn’t sure when he’d started running, but he ran. The power in his body at its best gave him stride and power. It wasn’t like running in the wars when he was constantly hungry and frightened. This was a man running, running towards because sometimes in these dreams he could find Heero.
The sound of a train cut the silence. It wasn’t a train like his colony had, not the quaint Victorian looking trains, but a modern subway kind of train. “Heero!”
They’d been lovers, fuck buddies really, in the wars. Secret. Neither had said it was more than that. Duo wasn’t sure just when it had gone from the very wild and wicked temptation of having someone else wrap gentle hand around his cock to having Heero’s love wrapped around his heart. There was a moment, after Heero had shot down that damn shuttle, when he’d been vulnerable, cracked in some way, but Duo remembered Heero looking at him like, like something he hadn’t understood at the time, but it was from that moment that Duo’s own spirit had started to heal. It was in that moment that he’d understood someone else could love him. He might be a worthless rat, but he was a loveable rat.
He didn’t remember when he stopped running. Sweat ran down his back and he leaned over, hands on his slightly bent knees. It wasn’t real. It was just a dream. God, he had more control over his everyday life than he had over his dreams. But then he saw the train.
Just some ordinary subway, nothing special, just kind of grubby and grey where it might have once been white. Heero stood on the platform with a bunch of other people. All of them were just ordinary people, Duo wanted to run so badly, but he found his legs could barely walk now. As he walked, he sank slowly into the chill blue of the ground. That train pulled away. Heero flicked his hand and a small screen popped up. He tapped away at it.
Duo felt like he was sinking. Fog rose around him, choking him, but he reached and pushed, until he was crawling and sinking.
The moment he touched Heero’s pant leg, he was suddenly back on his feet, the fog gone.
The man looked at him... just some man.. But he looked out of Heero’s face, Heero’s eyes. Duo’s heart felt crushed.
But unlike the past, this dream Heero didn’t see him. Didn’t respond to him. Panic grabbed Duo then and he feared... what he feared most was that he was going to let Heero go. Suddenly the train became a metaphor and Duo grabbed at Heero’s arms, wanting to shake him, making see him, make him stay! “Heero! Don’t go! Okay? I get it! I know I’m just... I’m just dreaming and you’re not really in my dreams, but I need you to stay! Do you understand? Baby! I love you!”
His Heero didn’t pay any attention to him though, just kept typing on his screen. Duo finally looked a that and it was really detailed for a dream. AlexanderTanaka@Sorento.L2.Edu. Duo tilted his head. The email wasn’t anything particular. So the new textbook was acceptable. Sincerely. Alexander.
Only then did Heero turn to look at him. Duo’s breath caught by how intense and real the connection was when Heero looked at him. “I’ll never really let you go. You’ll always live in my thoughts and my heart!”
Heero smiled softly, the soft and genuine smile that Heero had when it was just the two of them.
“Wild nights - Wild nights!
“Wild nights - Wild nights!
Were I with thee
Wild nights should be
Futile - the winds -
To a Heart in port -
Done with the Compass -
Done with the Chart!
Rowing in Eden -
Ah - the Sea!
Might I but moor - tonight -
“What the hell, Heero? What does that mean?” Duo leaned closer though, feeling completely connected to Heero, not caring if it was only a dream. He’d just stay right there and never wake up again. “I’ll stay here with you. We can stay here together.”
Just before his lips touched Heero’s, before he completely committed to never leaving the dream, a scream ripped through the hallway. His eyes were open and he was out of bed before he was fully awake.
Charlotte ran to him. “Duo! There’s an intruder! There’s a ghost!”
Duo’s heart rate dropped back to normal. “Seriously? I was having a really good dream.”
“No. No... I ... the door I’m not supposed to touch! I ... heard crying.. And I know you said never to try to open it.. But I did... and that’s when I saw her! Oh my god... What happened in this house?”
Duo rolled his eyes. “No, really. Seriously? You said you were atheist in our interview. A ghost is your best explanation?”
“It was the girl from the Ring! I know what I saw!”
Duo grunted, realized he was standing naked in the hall and rubbed between his eyes. “No. You don’t. Don’t completely flip yer nut. Let me put some pants on. I’ll show you.”
“You’re not leaving me out here in the hall alone!”
Duo threw a hand up in the air and let her follow him back into his room. “There is always, always a rational explanation for everything.”
“I thought.. You believed in God during the wars. What happened?”
Duo pulled on a pair of grey sweat pants. “I grew the fuck up. Come on.”
“So... what’s in there,” she said, following behind him as if he were a suitable human shield against vengeful spirits.
“One of my earliest kids... She was a burn victim.”
“Did she die,” Charlotte said, her hands touching Duo’s bare shoulders.
“She tired,” Duo admitted, entering the security code for the door at the end of the hall. “Try not to scream again. It bothers her.”
“Bothers her,” Charlotte complained, hiding behind Duo as he opened the door.
“Hey, Julia. It’s just me. Ima turn the lights on.”
“No.” Julia, his little pony playing girl said in her normal voice. “I don’t wanna see.”
“Well, then close your eyes, Sweetie. You scared the shit out of Charlie and you know better.”
“Ohhhhhh,” she complained as the lights came on. “But I did my math!”
The room was small, but filled with life support equipment. There was a fairly large sphere, large enough to hold a full grown man, but the person inside was burned terribly, without limbs, floating in a clear gel, but at least a late teen sized body.
Charlotte stepped around Duo, starring. “What happened?”
Julia, young Julia, ran to Duo and he picked her up, as if she were made of flesh and blood. Today her hair was red curls again, green eyes.
“Julia had a bad day, but she’s feeling a little better every day!”
“But! Why can’t you just... It would only take a moment to just... the Galen system. It would heal her in a blink!”
“Charlie,” Duo said gently, his hand petting Julia’s hair, soothing her. “It’s not the body that’s hurt. It’s the mind.”
“I’m going to go to school soon,” Julia said firmly. “Can I sleep with you tonight, Daddy?”
“Sure, Sweetie,” Duo said. “Julia can take whatever form she wants. When you tried to get into her room, she was just trying to scare you away.”
Thumb in her mouth, she lifted her head. “Was I scary?”
“Very much so! Don’t do that again.” Charlotte put her hands on her hips and glared.
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Charlotte said, turning her back to the broken body and focusing on the little girl in Duo’s arms. “I will never hurt you.”
“I afraid you’d think I’m ugly.”
“I did wonder how your hair changed color,” Charlotte said playfully. “If you can look like anything you want, why do you never be Rainbow Dash?”
“I’m not a pony,” Julia said. “I’m a little boy.”
“Really,” Charlotte said, blinking. “You’re a boy?”
“Yeah,” Julia said, snuggling against Duo.
“Come on,” Duo said, herding Charlotte out. “Go back to bed. Don’t pry into things I didn’t offer to share. Some things around here are actually dangerous, Charlie. There are things that medical tech can’t bring you back from.” He carried Julia into his room, shut the door, leaving Charlotte to just... live with the echos of the very real seeming ring girl.
Julia curled up and he tucked her in, rubbing her back until she fell asleep. He snuggled down into his blankets and pillows, wondering... about Alexander Tanaka. He wanted to fall back into the same dream... to finish that kiss. If Heero were alive, even if he had to hide, he’d have reached out. He’d have contacted him... somehow. Duo never made any sound when he cried.