Frozen Heart 3
Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing
There’s nothing like a bit of high quality oxygen to get a guy’s mind to start working properly.
I just jumped out of my ship in nothing, but a suit and a hard on for Heero Yuy.
Yet here I am, just laying on his chest as he somehow does the backstroke (without actually moving) through empty fucking space. I feel a perfect clarity about it, and I can’t really believe I’m about to die. I can believe in Heero.
So say yer floating out in space with a limited amount of air and energy - well, yer pretty much dead or so close to it that shit don’t really matter anymore. It’s the ultimate freedom of religion. I can believe in whatever I want.
I can't really hear Heero's heart beating through an airtight and temp controlled helmet - not to mention that padding his suit must provide - but I can still hear his heart beating. The sound feels warm. I don't know how the beating of his heart feels warm to me, but it does. His arms around me make space feel safe.
Just because I was born out here don't mean it was ever safe, but right now I'm safe like I've never felt safe.
Head on his chest, the stars are so beautiful. Earth is the little diamond sparkling and brilliant. So beautiful.
Life is so fucking beautiful, so fragile, and yet there is this hunger to it - reaching out - the light of Earth reaches out to me - forgiving me for needing Heero so much that I'd beg him to love me more than he needs to protect her. Other stars, real stars, I can hear them singing to me about all the days we'll have and the places we'll go - Heero an' me.
In the last moments of my life - finally I can see all the possibility - all this hope and wish for a real future.
I just wanted to see him again and now we're floating out in the middle of black and cold.
I've gotten myself dead
person I love more than life with me.
That’s how to be a dumbass.
Maybe this is what reincarnation is like.
Maybe the stars look more beautiful because they are a passage to another life.
Heero's here because he died going into cryo and me because I died trying to stop him, so our souls are going together into a new life. We'll grow up together in good families - okay, decent families. We did blow a shit ton of stuff up in the last life. So decent might be the best we can hope for.
We'll go to high school together and he'll be my first kiss.
"Who was your first kiss," Heero asked in his seriously-about-to-kill-someone voice.
"You heard me. Who was your first kiss?"
"It wasn't me. I'd remember."
"That should be evident. Your oxygen levels have been normalized for twenty minutes, but you've been babbling for an hour. The stars are beautiful. So are you. You're not dead. Who was your first kiss?"
"Uh," Duo said again as the enviro controls compensated for his burning cheeks. "Uh... Well - when I was little..."
"Not that." Heero said gently, "a real kiss, when you wanted to be with the person you were kissing. Was it hilde?"
"Fuck no," duo nearly tipped. "I mean, she's okay Anne I guess I shoulda wanted, but uh, I uh..."
"So you've never kissed anyone as an adult?"
"The idea of you kissing someone who is not me fills me with an insane level of rage. It's very inconvenient."
Duo shifted and heero tightened his hold on him. " don't move. You'll shift our trajectory."
"Where are we going?"
“I built you a house. I am taking you there. You should have told me you wanted me instead of asking if you could marry Hilde.”
“I didn’t ask if I could marry Hilde. I asked what you thought of it and you fucking up and left.”
“I may have been overcome by incendiary emotions that day,” Heero admitted.
“So you sold yourself to the government - to be a weapon? What kind of dumbass, idiot, spoiled sulking shit was that, uh?”
“It was not the most useful choice I have ever made. I’m sorry I left. I am unused to feeling, let alone feeling vulnerable. I was afraid. Please forgive me.”
“Fuck. Heero, I was willing to risk death for the chance to breath the same air as you, one more time. Please don’t go away again, or take me with you! Let me go into cryo with you if you have to go.”
“It won’t be needed, “Heero promised, but to stay with me, you can never go back to Earth. Well, if that’s a real problem, we could be fugitives together.”
“Fuck Earth. I don’t care where we are so long as we’re together.”
“Acceptable. Do you remember the time I was feverish in the jungle?”
“Er...” Duo did indeed remember that. It was one of the only times he’d been really sure Heero was sure about wanting to kill him. “Yeah. Why.”
“Icey water on fevered skin feels about like the next moment is going to feel.”
“Why do I hear the smile in your voice, asshole?”
“Why do I hear the smile in your voice, asshole?”
“Payback is a bitch, baby.”
The cold hit worse than any ice water that duo could imagine. He would have howled, but his lungs were made of ice. Even the warmth of Heero’s nearness disappeared. So there had been some kind of test- he wasn’t a pharaoh! He didn't have cheat sheets! He’d been kicked into a frosty Hell by Osiris.
Oh fucking, fucking hell!
Then the seal on his helmet broke and warm air rushed over his face. Calloused fingers caressed his cheek - warm flesh to warm life and he sucked in breath like he was suddenly reborn. Air burned into his lungs like they’d never breathed on their own before.
“Just breathe for a moment. It hurts the first time.”
Heero’s voice was loving, gentle and hearing it was worth every bit of Hell for Duo. Violet eyes snapped open there he was, his Heero, helmet off, blue eyes watching intently. He looked just like he looked the last time Duo had seen him. “Holy Mary, Mother of God! What did you do to me?”
“It’s not what I’ve done - it’s what I want to do.”
“What do you want to do,” Duo asked with slight hesitation, wanting good, but not sure if he deserved it or if good for him was even possible.
The helmet Heero had been holding hit the floor and while the sound still echoed, Heero’s fingers slid into Duo’s hair, cupping the back of his head possessively. He kissed like he took on all missions, like he’d move the universe on will alone. Thin lips hard and urgent, more hungry than skilled, tugging, rubbing, and surrendering when Duo surged forward, tongue licking and diving on instinct. Heero went over backwards, hand still in Duo’s hair.
Some kisses are practiced, informed by movies or books, by family history, and friend’s conversations of do this, then that, one step, two, safe and pretty.
Their kiss wasn’t like that. Duo’s tongue in Heero’s mouth was the most ancient of trust tests, licking teeth, stroking primal, his teeth on Heero’s lips, tongue, tasting cooper, and then vision with stars as Heero rolled them over and pressed Duo down to the bare hard floor. Finally, breathless, Heero pulled back, the fire of evolving soul in blue eyes.
Duo’s lips felt swollen, tingly, as if he were aware of them for the first time. “Your lip is bleeding.”
“I think your teeth hit when we went over. I’m fine. Welcome home!”