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fic: Frozen Heart 2/?

Frozen Heart 2
by Max

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing

Notes: This story is roughly.. ish.. kinda inspired by Frozen Teardrop, ish.. kinda.

I know what love oughta be.

It oughta be some really basic shit man. I oughta have just married Heero because we were together all the time or married Hilde because she said she wanted me and come home every day with a briefcase and had a whiskey before dinner.  LIke people oughta just take a test and you get a list of fifteen names of folk who would be great matches, good genetics, compatible sexual fantasies, all that happy shit. Then you just go have coffee, pick the lucky winner, and happily ever after. Everyone is good with whatever weirdness each of us comes up with.

Heero was like that for me.

One night I was freaking the fuck out over some shit from the past.  I don’t even remember what it was, not really, just some blood splatters and a kid’s point-of-view about some guy getting his head bashed in against a window.  Even now, sittin’ here, I can see that blood on the other side of the car window. I want to color it some other color in my head, like if it was purple or blue, it won’t be blood. Some fucker wouldn’t be dying for the loss of it.

Heero just sat on the bed that night, typing away. I wish I’d told him how much him being close made the world okay. I wish I’d reached out to him that night, asked if I could suck his dick. I really wish I’d done that.

Love isn’t like that list.  I’m a kinky, loud mouth, ill-tempered asshole. Heero is kind, compassionate, organized, productive, and oh so fucking beautiful. Watching a drop of sweat slide down his back is like watching the moon set, watching nature dance. I’m pretty base though and I could never say anything like that to him and tell him that I would really like to touch him because that would be like touching God. Fuck me... I think about asking him to be my lover and my synapses start dancing around some girls doing ballet in pool and I can’t even imagine the shit that would have come out my mouth, but it probably would have sounded a lot like, “Can I suck yer dick?”

So... here I am on a shuttle about two hours from being able to power back in the last segment of my transfer to this colony in the middle of fucking no where that Heero might be on.  Thinking about love and the things ya didn’t say just seem like what happens when there’s not a fuck you can do and even if you change your mind, you can’t just turn around and drive home. Space isn’t like driving around in a car.  I love cars. Oh my god, I love cars. We should talk about that sometime. A spaceship is not a car.

Traction, friction... not of that exists in space. There’s just nothing to push against. God. Pushing. Man. Being twenty-two, you think I’d be done with thinking about sex like seventy-million times a day.

I’ll tell ya secret, seein’s how you’re listening to my rant here. I burned a shit ton of fuel getting here.  Only Wu knows I was going, but other than Q, it’s not like anyone would come after me anyway. If I can’t get into the colony that Heero’s on, I’m fucked - or not fucked, as the case may be.

I know him though. If he’s going to go into cryo, then he’s going unless someone talks him out of it. So okay, maybe I’m a little low on oxygen if I’m thinking that someone might be me. I can’t even imagine reality without Heero walking around somewhere.

I don’t know why I’m crying either. I don’t usually, unless I’ve broken a bone or something. I usually just get mad. My air really is three times recycled though, so maybe that has something to do with it.

He’s got beautiful eyes too, blue like this Swiss lake I saw once, but more alive.

I wonder if he’ll be happy to see me?

I love when Heero’s happy. He’s got the most beautiful smile. His smile does things to me that I just can’t even put into words, like, I can’t breath and I’m happy. Heero gives me oxygen deprivation? Maybe that’s what love is? Oxygen deprivation? You kiss someone so hard and can’t breath and somehow they just seem like they’re the center of the world and they’re everything. Suddenly you’d get in a little metal can and throw yourself an impossible distance at an impossible speed because you’ve got to see them once more, even if they tell you to go to hell, you’re willing because you’ve just got to be there, got to have the chance to reach out and touch Heero’s face, to tell him that he saved your life, that he is your life, that god, you love him so much more than the sun is hot. That’s what love is.

Oxygen deprivation is super less convenient than I thought it would be.

I could have swung around Mars, picked up a sling boost, but that would have taken two weeks. I might have missed him.

I want to breath the same air as he does, just once more. Does that make any fucking sense?

I wonder if I’m dying.

Maybe that’s what love does to you. You just burn so bright, like a moth into a flame. I wonder if there’s a little puff of a sound when an idiot like me stops.

Sister Helen is saying something. It’s probably important.

Have you ever seen Heero in a tux? Oh my god, now that’s something to look at.

Wanting to cum.. it’s ancient, deeply ancient, older than humans. It’s wanting to say.. this is my life, this is my soul, this is me spilling me away because I just.. want to be that much closer to you, even for a moment, just this bright little moment, I want some part of me to touch you. If Heero ever came on me, I’d rub it into my skin like I could keep that part of him forever, make us one being.

I think I just ran into something. Did you hear that crash? Huge like... I fucking rammed Heero’s colony! Oh god.. that’s so funny. Baby! I’m home! What beer? I didn’t have any beer?

You know something? I haven’t drank since I woke up in the hospital with him next to me. It’s not like my fucking mouth needs any help.

So I did not get drunk and run my cheap ass shuttle into Heero’s fancy colony.

I did hit something though. I heard something. I ought to sit up, check on my O2 levels. Seriously. They might really be getting low by this point. I need to check my bearings,  see if it’s time to start the deceleration.

Sitting up is just so.. hard. I can do it in a couple of minutes. I think what I really want is a nap. I bet I’ll dream about Heero. We’ll be together and nothing will ever take us apart. He won’t be pissed at me for invading his plans, begging him not to save the Earthspere from some fuck up in the future, just to stay with me, to save me.

The Earthsphere is a lot more important than me. Right?

I mean? Who the hell am I?

You know how you settle into sleep and it feels so warm and safe, like his arms are around you and his breath at your neck, and you just feel so heavy and warm. It’s fucking awesome.

Sister Helen never talked this much when she was alive. I’m not even sure she was ever this mad at me.

“Duo! Stop fighting me!”

“Go to helll!” Duo roared, but the punch he imagined didn’t even lift his arm.

Strong, thick gloved fingers took hold of the back of his head, lifting him slightly, holding him as hard plastic was forced over his nose and mouth, muffling his growling obscenities.  The screaming sucked more air into his lungs though and in a moment he felt like real shit. He ached all over, felt the cold in the cabin, the utter ruin that was worse than any hangover ever wished to be. The gravity was out and he vaguely remembered shutting it down to funnel more energy into the O2cycle system, one of which had stopped working just after the ditch point.

Heero floated just above him, in an advanced and elegant suit.

Duo stopped fighting, just dropped back in his harness.

Heero reached down to touch the oxygen mask, as if he were touching Duo’s smile directly.  He pulled a small earpiece out and motioned for Duo to put in his ear, which he did, hands shaking.  

“This ship was suffered damage. It is beyond repair. We have to ditch.”

Jump out of the only known solid ground and float into space without a suit with Heero.. Sure, okay. Duo smiled deliriously.

“We need to get you suited up.”

“I love your voice,” Duo said, knowing that he didn’t have a sublingual and Heero couldn’t hear him.

Heero unfastened Duo’s harness and suited him up with as much help as Duo could offer. Before  Heero sealed his helmet, he pressed the small sublingual patch to Duo’s throat, gloved fingers lingering over pale skin for a moment. “Say something.”

“I love you.”

Heero blinked, blue eyes updating all the variables in his head. “Like... brothers?”

“No, like lovers. Marry me? It’s you. I want you to marry me. I don’t care if you say no.. well, I do care... that’ll be shit, but I’ll understand and .. yeah.. I want to marry you.”

While Duo spoke, Heero navigated them both back towards the entry hatch. A small robot that looked a little like a spider, a little like a pet dog, had found and stowed all of Duo’s belongings in a case that it sat on, maybe a little like a pet owl. Duo was sure his head was going to explode. Yup. Poof.

Maybe Heero was already dead and just doing him the kindness of coming back for him?

“I love you too,” Heero said, “I thought you didn’t like me that way.”
Then everything just felt like he had his feet on the ground again. He reached out and laid his hand just above Heero’s control panel. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Heero blew the hatch, revealing a great big expanse of black. Duo looked, looked again. “Where’s your ship?”

“Didn’t bring one. Trust me?”

“Yup.” Duo said, letting Heero attach a tether to him before Heero left the crippled ship and jumped into the blackness of nowhere. Duo jumped from his ship, a hand reaching for Heero. “Trust you all the way.”


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