One of the things I hate the most is being told to be quiet.
When I was a kid, the environment was very dangerous and silence about pretty much everything was the safest path.
One of the things I'd really like in my adult life is to find a group to belong to. I want belonging with a deep hunger.
I'll never have it.
Recently Hillary Clinton gave a speech advocating for universal human
rights. It was a particularly splendid speech. Even Trans people were
mentioned, women, disabled people... pretty much everyone was mentioned,
but the focus of the speech was on Gay people.
Recently I've had lots of hopes of belonging to the trans community.
Now don't get me wrong... I was born in a body that looks female, but
I'm male. I'm going to go through with everything I can to bring my body
inline with my identity. That is as deep in my soul as wanting to
So on my FB profile this guy writes about how the
overbearing gay agenda is hurting trans people and how Hillary Clinton's
speech, which made the argument that in order for any of us to have
human rights, human rights must be respected for all people... that that
speech was an insult to trans people because they only got mentioned
I disagreed with him. He told me to be quite. His friend came in on his side. Someone else said I was self hating.
I said that at least I capitalized the first letter of all my
sentences. That was really rather petty of me and the guy's friend was
right.. I was being a condescending fuck when I said that.
This infighting though between gay people and trans people.. between
'real trans' people and just cross dressers or queens and kings...
The fact that I've been isolated and withdrawn most of my life... just
makes that all seem so very crazy to me. It's like if the Civil Rights
movement had broken into Nigerian Americans, Congolese Americans,
Liberian Americans... ect. It only serves to further the cause of those
that don't like any person with darker skin.
You know... I really thought I could fit in with trans people... with
gay people. I am trans. I am gay. Okay, bi... be that as it may. I
really thought I'd make friends.
I won't though. I'm just too
oddly socialized to fit into any group. I shall be very lucky if I can
find one or two people who can put up with me.
I've been quiet
enough that I hardly anyone is likely to notice my continued silence.
As I obviously don't fit with the trans community that doesn't think
universal human rights don't apply to them... and it hurts me too much
to be told to be quiet, that I don't understand my own identity, because
I don't have the same take as he does.
As I had wanted to be
part of this community and I don't know how many people feel the same as
that other gentleman does, and it's obvious to me that I am ill suited
to community - I would still like the group to consider how much benefit
there might be in working together as non-gender-conformative people...
or even better... just fighting for universal human rights. There
really is much overlap as people fight for the right to express
As I wrote this... I realize even more
strongly that I don't like to be quiet. I've spent so much of my life
being quiet. I've no idea what to do about... I don't know if I'm brave
enough to keep talking when no one listens.
Everyone's rights are equally important, including my own.
Edit... and after all that defeatist whining... a friend of mine told me he hoped I didn't think he was just putting up with me and... the world felt much better. :)
How was your Thanksgiving? I hope you had a great time! For your reading pleasure, I offer you this scene from my current novel. Syn is going to have a Christmas like none other! The prize for this blog hop... is that if you comment on this post, you'll be entered into a drawing for the 5th, which is when Christmas Carnival is going to release, and that is the prize. It's going to be a very hot and wicked book... Christmas on a colony where sex is the center of everything. It's a kinky, BDSM book, so if that's not your thing, you'll be welcome to pick a story from my back list!
This post is going to get edited multiple times over the next few days :) I've got story and art to add in. I've never been one to wait till Christmas or want a surprise, but maybe I've been wrong, so I'm exploring this idea of timely gifts :)
Tuesday Morning by Nix Winter Copyright 2013, all rights reserved Note: This is part of my August and Anderson series and it takes place after the stories in Redeem Me. I have a feeling there will be another series of stories for them. They're such powerful characters.
August’s shadow stretched out into his closet, dark cool against pale hardwood floor. Clothes hung perfectly, neat, each hanger two fingers from the one before and the one after. Expensive cloth, professionally laundered by the household staff, each one was an artifact from a previous life. Standing there, he felt like he could see his former self choosing and debating, a wealthy privileged boy who thought he would never be touched by death. He’d been the hero. His will drove the world. Thinner now, chestnut hair longer, face unshaven, he wasn’t sure if he longed to be the shadow of himself deciding which five hundred dollar shirt to wear or if he hated that smiling idiot for the violence he hadn’t been able to protect …